she woke up with a sticky ear
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
