Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
