Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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