Umm I'm too high to move.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
