dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
