Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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