I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
