Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
