Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
