Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
