why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
