before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have fence marks all over my body
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
