i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
