Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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