i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
