Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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