Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
