i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we made out on top of his cat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
