Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
