you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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