If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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