I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
