i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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