Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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