The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
