Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
