Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
