i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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