Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
