That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
