dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I look better un-naked...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
