Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
