Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
