I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i will never coherently bang her
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
