Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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