He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have surprise drugs for everyone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
