Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
