i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
