did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
