Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
