The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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