doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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