if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
