I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
