someone threw a dead crab at me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
