farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
