wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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