the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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