In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
