Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
