just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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