just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
