i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
