That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
