I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
